But I don't consider them one night stands. They're auditions.
What did you even date her?
because emotionally unstable girls are great in bed.
dude my 8 year old cousin is allowed to drink wine coolers. as long as its infront of my aunt. wtf
Just went through ex bf's and hook up buddys and liked pictures of them on facebook. A friendly reminder that I will be back in for the holidays
I started to trust fall random people on the dance floor
i should teach a seminar on how to fall off the wagon
Did I mention I should never take 5 Xanax and drink?
I sort of figured that out when I found you sitting on the roof of your house saying we could get in through the skylight while I called the locksmith.
Ripped lines in the bathroom before my presentation.. Got bonus marks for my enthusiasm.. This is why I love drugs
I never woulda thought that back in kindergarten playong kickball that'd i'd be 24 getting plastered in front of the white house and winning a kickball championship in a young adult drinking league
I'M NOT READY TO BE AB ADULT YET!!!
We need to make boob twerking a thing. I feel like that's why vine was invented
I have the starring role in a literal shit show.
Yo I get this girl alone in my room last night but she bounces cus she thought the full house poster was "weird"
Drunk you needs to learn how to call sober me, so sober me can talk your drunk vagina down.
Spencer just told me I got home and was opening beers with my teeth and trying to make pot butter
Randomize
