You'll put your fingers inside me but you won't be my FB friend?
the condom got lost in my hair
I had a dream once that juice was flowing out of my kitchen faucet
It wasn't until that morning that I realized I wasn't actually dreaming, finding myself in the bathtub with someone laying on me
we were walking and you spelled the word "oats" to prove you weren't drunk.
Either I'm spending too much time drinking or my perfume is starting to smell like a pineapple vodka.
Welcome to the first annual slutathon and let the men be ever in our favor
GO AHEAD, BITCH, GLARE AT MY WAFFLE ONE MORE TIME. I WILL FUCK YOU UP.
I had a dream about a vibrator with 42 different settings. If that's not a good indication I need to get laid, I don't know what is
how do you play pong handcuffed?
I'm sure the lady doing my pedicure could smell the sex on me.
I would professionally fuck the shit out of her
Had a one night stand and didnt remember the guys name until he started sending me poems in the mail.
sarah's view on last night: a threesome to make things less awkward. oh, well done.
Right. He was like "I'll be here all night if I have to..." I was like "Well then, I'll have to call the cops..."
Randomize
