I'll pay for our taxi if you let me makeout with the drummer and we don't leave RIGHT when the bassist does.
Its like every time I go out with you, it always involves Serbian chicks and taco bell and you always manage to get both all over my bed.
She has puke on the back of her shirt not quite sure how the hell she did that
Dude, it could be so much worse. That Dale kid lost a toe I think.
Saxophones in my mind. I swear someone dosed me.
You need to be more adventurous.
I am! Just not in a "I wanna get diseases" way
We fucked like animals and then decided we actually liked each other so then we made love. It's a match made in heaven.
How did work go after you told them you were in jail?
Great they tried to bail me out.
Pornhub is still operational. Therefore, the world has NOT come to an end in the blizzard!
Question for you. Do you want to go out somewhere or do you want to have sloppy joes at my house? That's not a euphemism for anything; I actually have stuff to make sloppy joes
Why is "Oprah of drinks" written on my arms?
You said to write it on you, after you kept saying, "You get a drink, you get a drink, everyone gets a drink."
I went out with a plan. I came home with a Brian. THIS WAS NOT PART OF THE PLAN.
He put his burrito in the bag with his dildo.
look when god gives you a dick that good for his son's birthday you don't question it
I need to show you how I feel about you by fucking you repeatedly.
Randomize