hey call me
can't. in the shower.
... and this is probably why your phone does not work half the time.
He was from Iceland of course I didnt sleep with him, havent you seen Mighty Ducks 2???
Omg. The strippers are having a batman vs spiderman showdown. Both on stage. Genius.
Birthday Coupon: This text is good for alteast 3 hours of Birthday Sex. Redeamable any time, anywhere, and any style.
Although I wish I was out drinking, this cough syrup has me slightly more optimistic than usual.. I heavily debating trying to find mystical creatures and selling them to rich people as pets
There is a large, jolly black gentleman in the parking lot of my appartment complex yelling about 5am jelly doughnuts. I want to be where he's at.
At what point does "I'm too high to deal with you right now" stop being rude?
And all I ask is the occasional "welcome home from work" blowjob.....and for you to fold my laundry. I hate folding laundry
New guy at work just gave me a Percocet for my headache. Officially best friends
Went home w the NY Islander in a NY Rangers jersey, needless to say he was pissed
Update - might be back in your neighbor's good graces. She liked the framed photo I gave her of me on the tractor with my business out.
Last time I checked he was house sitting for his ex while she was out of town with some new dude. He was crying about how the guy told him to stay out of his whiskey while he was gone. That's whipped
It's like the drive of shame on fucking Christmas. Happy birthday Jesus
Just so you know, you called at 2 last night and kept making me tell you that I loved you and then when you got home you thanked me for walking you home. Incase you forgot, I'm still about 200 miles away.
A lady played my boobs as if they were drums. It's been that kinda night.
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