i permit you to call me
tod's in jail
he was afraid of holiday checkpoints so we let him ride my mom's tandem bike home. by himself. at 4 am.
You know, if there were no such thing as marriage, i don't think porn would exist.
halloween costumes for girls are easy, slutty teacher, slutty cop, slutty nurse, etc...
exactly, that's why i want something interesting
slutty neuroscientist?
i just used burnetts to get spraypaint off the floor of my dorm lobby
As a side note, my abs are sore. Most likely cause? Orgasms. Thank you.
Always fun waking up to 911 as your last dialed call.
Your the only friend that would realize I'm gonna get drunk and send coke to me at a bar before I made drunken phone calls for it. You sir complete me.....
He came in, laid on our floor and started to make a snow angel.. On the floor. Then he just left never said a word. 20 mins later walked back in and dropped his pants, looked down and said "wow im happy i had boxers on."
I still cannot believe I yelled at every guy at the bar "you wanna get in this clam?!"
Pizza delivery...for when you need to eat your feelings for the sex you aren't having
If my bootycall doesn't bring over a Baconnator, I swear to fucking God, I'm not letting him in. The hunger is that real. Forget his Persian dick.
How do you get kicked out of 3 different Subways in one night..
Not very gracefully, that's how.
You never know true fear until you're on your period in a house full of white furniture.
We are actually the same person except with opposite genitalia, which are both incredible.
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