I'd fuck her but she fucked Dusty. And I'm pretty sure he's humped livestock
sometimes you just have to masturbate at your friend's house.
my mom is pro-life. I dare you to fuck me.
just had a dream there were parent teacher conferences in college...scariest dream ever.
Bring your kids so they can distract our kids so we can drink beer in peace.
I found a wheel chair. there is now a high chance im going to be fired from this job
There are beer cans & oyster shells along the side of the road. I belong here
Ok roommate is officially weird. Just watched her microwave the same broccoli 3 times in a row and cry b/c she fucked it up. Wtf lol
I vote for a trading skills night. You teach me to juggle, I'll teach you knife fighting, and we'll both learn banjo
Don't they also have a lot of serious head injuries?
I didn't say I wanted to marry one of them. Or that I want one to perform surgery on me. I just want to have hot, dirty, MMA style sex.
I mean jail does seem alright, all the free broth you can eat.
I'm currently on a bowling date with my girlfriend and her boyfriend. It's pretty fun.
I'm not in the business of asking people about their lizard
I meant his actual lizard not his manhood
I saw some guy masturbating in the Burger King parking lot and I’m just fucking done
Lessons learned from last night: do not leave me drunk and alone with strippers and a credit card. Let's do whatever's cheaper.
Randomize
