i just pooped in tubberware. not a proud day
i wokr up in ohio with no clothes. i think someone gave me ecstacy. can you come find me please it's cold.
I cant help but queef when the male extremity enters
What is a male extremity?
i didnt realize it was that long since you've had sex
He told me he finished so fast because he's a sprinter. I hate athletes who are really just pussies.
how should i feel about a person who brings a box of eggo waffles on the plane as a carry on?
I walked into the garage and you were telling the bikes that you were not that drunk.
I JUST FOUND AN INTERNATIONAL POLE DANCING CHAMPIONSHIP IN SPANISH
I thought I was invisible, then some guy flashed his high beams at me and I realized my lights weren't on...not invisible.
It's cool, I power napped on the dryer while they were fucking in the bathroom so I'm good to go now. Where are you?
I've just informed her that you've voted her Chief-Adult-In-Charge-Of-Shit and that she will take the oath of office on Fri Dec 14th at 8 pm with her hand on a bottle of Jager.
So the next time I call you and say I'm going to my first strip club because it's christmas eve eve, and have work the next morning, I'd appreciate you stopping me
I keep getting the feeling him and his friends are hilarious and we should drink whiskey together forever
Apparently I called him, said "vodka" and then hung up on him.
He washed his dick in my kitchen sink after sex. I think he might be a keeper.
Drinking at 10 in the morning and swimming might not be the best idea I've ever had but it beats working
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