someone should tell her that easter eggs aren't meant to be dildos.
The crowning achievement of my weekend was hooking up with someone I'm at least facebook friends with.
It was awkward being the only one at the wedding who knows that the bride and groom met when she gave him a lap dance at a strip club
grown man stumbling drunk down green street wearing nothing but a hot dog costume and crying. its not even noon yet.
the caf people were giving us weird looks and she yelled ITS A LIFE STYLE
We didn't want to make a pit stop so I just helped my husband pee in a bottle. No one told me this was part of love.
I played "in the air tonight" on a drum set made of titties, and I'm not even exaggerating
I would have cried, probably tears of wine, but cried nonetheless.
The beer shits the day after completing the World Beer Tour at Epcot are just as epic as the tour itself.
Do you think I'm short enough to dress up in a ghost costume and go trick or treating and have people believe that I'm actually a child?
No, it's ok. He's Greek. To him I'm just a light drinker, not an alcoholic.
Decided to stop by the store on my walk of shame. I must really look like shit, a six year old girl just walked up to me and said "my mommy wanted me to tell you Jesus loves you." Thanks kid.
I just changed all my morning alarms to wake me up with different Jesse McCartney songs telling me I'm beautiful. Would you believe I'll be 25 this year?
Dont... please don't. Don't fuck him on his bean bag bed
this poor kid thinks hes going to have his first time with both of us
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