oh my she just said cum sticks to her dentures so when she blows if they let her she takes them out
i asked him how he could stand the smell of skunk. his answer was "it smells like good weed"...
i'm pleased to announce i can now open a bottle of wine with my shoe if called upon to do so.
I know I'm not learning anything when I can't even spell the name of the class I'm taking
i make up for being a shitty girlfriend by being amazing in bed.
apparently the dude across the street has been dead for like a month. now I feel bad about pissing on his lawn
i'm sitting pantsless eating potato chips and watching porn before he picks me up for our date. I hope he's ready for this...
just start off by saying "hey, i cockblocked my friend last night and need to make it up to him, could you help?"
I'm also 3/4 on the frats. Its like my goal of traveling to all 7 continents, but different somehow and a lot less morally sound.
He walked into the bar right as I was licking the shotglass clean. We made eye contact for way too long..
He will. He has no choice. What's he gonna do? Find a better fuck buddy? We both know that's not possible. I'm the ideal friend with benefit. Minus snoring and uneven tits.
Join us. We're on the roof drinking breakfast
I feel like there should be a database and you screen your boyfriend's scrotum and all the fucked up shit they've done goes on file.
I hope you get some kind or rare disease that makes your dick ties itself in a knot for fucking her you lucky bastard.
I mean we don't talk anymore but I still see him around wearing that sweater he stole from me after we had sex
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