He fucking owes me dinner after I gave him head under the deck behind the bar.
Too bad it's not "confirm, ignore or not unless I've had 20+ beers"
I just encountered the most annoying guy on the planet. I wanted to slap his milkshake out of his fat-boy hands while he was talking to me at the same time as slurping his liquid fat.
I love milkshakes.
Not the point.
This soccer player girl is eating this banana WAY to slow. Too early for penis shaped foods.
she wrote "need hug!" on a sticky note, put it on her back, and passed out on his bed. they're trying to figure out how she got into his room...
who said I'd never amount to anything...i just won 'most enthusiastic' at my poledancing class
Using his name makes it all too personal. I refuse to get attached to this one. This is all about ass. He doesn't get a name.
I don't understand but I fell asleep naked holding a tub of cool whip and a boiled egg
I feel like I've been drunk all of June. And I am in NO WAY ashamed about it.
Turns out that my surprise "happy birthday" drop-in for my dad turned into a "my parents like afternoon sex a lot" realization.
i was really disappointed no one would drink beer from our cleavage last night except for us
Also what is the name of Americas thing where we had a holy obligation to expand westward? I'm going name my new lighter that.
That's how all the girlfriends are. Oh he's a boy, no worries, then BAM. I blow their boyfriend.
I'm too depressed to masturbate. This election is the worst.
Any chance he has an open marriage? That penis shouldn’t be wasted on one woman. It should be shared with all womankind, or at least me. I’m too good at sex to be deprived a penis that large
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