it's all fun and games until somebody pulls the tampon string..
What time do you think the pilgrims started drinking? I want to be as accurate as possible.
you know you go to a catholic school when you are rollin a joint with matthew 14:1-12
theres a kid face down in the middle of campus... people are going about their day and paying no attention to him
The guys had to come into the bar bathroom and pep talk us all off the floor
He insisted that I looked like Kiefer Sutherland, told me he didn't know what to do about it, then hugged me awkwardly.
Putting a positive pregnancy test next to my condoms in my drawer so I remember why I always need to use condoms
I really feel like I should slow down on the getting hammered. I told a bartender on "Taco Tuesday" that a $3 margarita was too expensive. And proceeded to have a $70 tab.
I think my teeth are moving, they feel like people.
Random pof guy just messaged me initiating a Pokemon battle. Want to be a bridesmaid?
I wore my Gollum shirt. It struck up a conversation AND got him staring at my boobs. That's a win-win.
sometimes you just have to listen to beyonce and cry. that's how life works
I'm SO high. And there is so much pudding in this car
One lesson I've learned so far from college: You've always got time for one more shot. Always
I'm just too horny to handle empty house
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