Totally about to meet up with Ryan in an empty parking lot. Expect to fuck him. Yes I know it's 3am. Slutty? Possibly. Excited? Damn right.
You don't know the meaning of what the fuck until you wake up naked and alone in someone's bed staring at a dead squirrel on their dresser.
you were sitting on my toliet with a double cheesburger in your hand asking me how the cheeseburger even got there.
After he called me a "spirited little girl" I realized that I need to stop sleeping with guys more than ten years older than me.
Okay. I really need to get out of this guys bed and get home. It's two in the afternoon. He's not even HERE.
we spent fifteen minutes trying to convince you that you weren't locked inside of your car
Do you think drinking vodka, rum and sourpuss out of a water bottle, in a class that isn't even mine rude?
WHY IS HE GONE WHEN I ACTUALLY HAVE THE AMOUT OF ESTROGEN TO HUMP A SQUIRREL?!?!
She stopped laughing and kind of stared at the wall for a while. Then she did 3 somersaults and said she saw jesus. This weed is fucking fantastic.
I inhaled my own vomit, how was your night?
OUR DIABOLICAL SLUT PLAN HATH COMMENCED!
Don't be surprised if I hand out mini dildos on Halloween
Girl you know I'm an advocate of debauchery but you might wanna check yoself.
He just texted me asking for his shirt back and I said I didn't have it and then I ran into him 5 minutes later while wearing the said shirt
Quit giving me a hard time, whens the last time you got head every night? Cougars are where its at they dont play games
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