Pregnant stripper...not hot.
the quote on the bathroom wall was "stop reading this and focus on peeing" and i realized i'd peed on the seat.
I think "bars open christmas minneapolis" is the saddest google search i've ever done.
are you just going to ignore any texts involving my penis from now on? because thats going to shut down a pretty sizeable portion of our conversations.
I don't appreciate the fact that you tagged me as a giant bucket Miracle Whip.
He said i looked like a shooting star sprawled out on the floor while i puked and i kept blaming "senor cuervo" for doing me dirty.
He came up and told us to watch as he chugged his beer with no hands. Then asked if he could come drunk swimming with us.
There's a creepy homeless guy with no hand trying to get up on our tacobell order
there are casual beer cans in all of the public trashes, i belong here
Free tacos and bad night are never used in the same sentence
I think I won over his best friend. He was staring at my boobs all night.
Did copperhead road at the bar. All the girl next to me did was stare at my glorious bouncing tits. CAN I FUCKING HELP YOU?? I worked hard for these tits.
He was humming "here comes Peter cottontail" while unbuttoning his pants. Happy Easter to me
I had sex while watching Lord of the Rings last night. I think I just reached a new level of nerd.
we went to the skate park then back to her house for dinner, and somehow that ended with her making me blueberry pancakes at 2am
Randomize
