I know im too high when i think porn has an interesting story line.
He told everyone he was going inside...an hour later we get a knock on the garage door from some dude telling us a guy is passed out on the lawn and we should get him inside because it's about to rain
Will you be topless? That will affect my answer.
This dude. Just lost. A finger. He asked us for tape.
she asked to have her picture taken with every guy we walked by.
my mom just walked in on me in the shower doing the "ass hair shave" pose.
You better be making out with him cause we're sitting here with this awkward british girl watching videos of goats singing maroon five
I am laying in your bed and just found a bottle of wine under your pillow ...should have married you...
We were mid fuck, and he did a Kermit the Frog impression. Is it weird that I was strangely turned on?
On a happier note, I can fit in my old shorts. Dope does have its perks
I was on tinder the whole time I was waiting for my pregnancy test results at the doctors.
On a scale of "huh, that's interesting" to "holy porn stars, batman". How good?
Definitely closer to "holy porn stars, batman".
I mean we all knew i was gonna get arrested eventually but shoplifting is lame so dont tell anyone. Well just let them assume public nudity or something
It's not my fault I make her feel like a Taylor Swift album
He howled at the moon then told me that if i were a dog he'd have sex with me...either i look like that girl or i need to stop going on blind dates. Period.
Randomize
