Hey when you come over to pick me up in the mornin bring a camera. This is going to be legendary. Don't knock.... They might cover up
wicked high...have munchies. cherry flavor lube. problem solved.
He kept saying it was because he was allergic to the chicken. Then he threw up on my mom.
My third nipple is alarmingly under-appreciated.
Most sexually ambiguous night of my life. Kept switching from the NBA finals to the Tonys.
As if me making pizza in a skillet wasn't enough proof that I was in no state to be cooking, this burn blister on my hand is
they need to invent a card that reads "thanks for all those boners you gave me that you did NOTHING about"
You asked me to text you at 11 and remind you that he's 33. It's 11:20. He's 33.
you're too late. he has eggnog and whiskey and all seven seasons of buffy. I shan't be coming home tonight
I can give you five reasons its your baby
and I can give you 10 reasons it's not, but I'm busy so I'll just go with you have the wrong number. And also I'm a straight girl.
So i stood up out of the sunroof while he gave me oral. Car was still moving. Exactly how illegal is that?
You're always so late and I'm always so drunk.
Hey, I'm 22. I'm allowed to have a sex life and you're going to hear about it.
My phone autocorrected "shhhhh" to "AHHHHHHHHH" and I feel like that says a lot about my life
please tell me you're the one making all the weird noise in the yard..
Is it weird that I'm smoking a cig on my back patio in a sports bra and underwear?
Randomize
