the recession has oofficially hit my standards.
16 and pregnant actually makes me really happy that i'm gay
At the wedding. Seated next to the bar. No way this ends well
don't let me wipe my vag with a dirty leaf outside of mcdonalds ever again.
I will give you 100$, a blow job a day for a month and I will shave my legs according to societal standards until next November if you come recuse me from my night class right NOW.
She was covered in mud grabbed my crotch and said see that handprint that means I called dibs
Did he seem like the type of guy that would maybe take weed as payment?
No work today. I woke up and someone had written "Markhot Penis = Party" on my forehead in sharpie. Do you know a Mark?
I'm beer bonging chocolate fondue. That's how my Valentines Day is going.
Reading old FB posts. Why did I ever stop drinking?
I'm a hopeless romantic that likes rough sex. Judge me
Her mom is a nurse who got called in to declare someone dead. Just got wing manned by a corpse.
I literally stopped banging her when my ESPN app alerted me that the Spurs had won. That's how much I hate Lebron. I would rather watch him cry in the post game interviews than get it in
I'm not into beards but apparently my vagina is.
YO. MCGRIDDLES.
Randomize
