I have the sudden urge to buy a Snuggie and wear it to the grocery store.
I was just making a list of the girls i have slept with and i can't remember your sisters name
I wanna get so drunk next week I throw up on a guy's genitals. I want to be that memorable for someone.
I would invite you but we are high and there is an AK-47. Not your scene.
I wish you were awake and high the same times I was awake and high. And also in the same state. So we can fuck passionately.
just woke up on a lounge chair wearing a durag and holding burrito wrappers in my hands
Buffalo PD walked in my bedroom this morning at 7 am. Was still blackout drunk, fully dressed, Steak Out wrapper on the floor, parking meter on the floor of the bar room. 'Both of your doors were wide open, wanted to make sure no one was robbing you.' Then I made a pass at her.
Did you just tell me you watch cartoon porn because it's more real?
You woke up butt naked, peed yourself said something about jumbo shrimp, and passed back out 10 seconds ltr..
I have a 8 minute video of a fish tank on my phone.
We need to stop going to pet stores high.
I just watched an intern spill two trays of coffee inside a spinning door
Best exit from a building ever
That cat I follow on Facebook beat cancer so we're drinking tonight in celebration
I was having a dream that I was swimming in a pool filled with melted chocolate but woke up to find I had poured chocolate milk all over my body
He tried to eat me out...through my pants.
What does "mood AF" mean?
Mood as fuck.
Why did you comment that on a video of a gorilla throwing its own shit?
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