Pls tell me she didnt actually sign a nutsack.
the best part about tonight...knowing when i wake up in the morning his car will still be full of packing peanuts..and mine wont
Wedsnesdays are always enlightening. Tonights revealation: One should not smoke from something taller than their person.
Ryan Howard.... the only guy who struck out more than me this weekend
I was high enough to think that mac-n-cheese w/ ketchup, tortilla chips w/ ketchup, and milk was a fancy dinner
why the fuck are my pubes caked with bread crumbs?
I'm sorry I compared your vagina to nascar
Is there really anything more beautiful than opening a fresh box of wine on a Friday afternoon?
It was pretty bad. Like cum-on-my-face-while-singing-Let-It-Snow bad.
Casually had to file a missing persons report last night
No we don't really celebrate valentines day, we just use it as an excuse to drink 3 bottles of red wine and fuck for a few hours.
It's finals week and I'm halfway done with this bag of wine and don't plan on stopping. Say goodbye to my GPA
ELLEHCIM
NYRMAK
DRAHCIR
WHAT??
i texted "amiibo vore" to my insurance agent instead of someone else. do you think they'll raise my rates out of disgust?
you walked 30 min all the way back to the dorms at 2am?
i was more bummed that i dropped all my skittles.
Randomize
