Tell him ill love him long time
I'll assure him of it
Porn is love you can see.
Good luck man
I dont need it. Shes easy.
i think i'm in class. and blacked out.
Turns out you can't chew it over with twix in real life
Dude I've never seen anyone get slapped that hard
he just found out the funeral is this morning so i'm wearing last night's clothes and look like a total slut.
i can't believe you were mixing vodka with green tea last night and enjoying it.
i should bottle and sell it. my slogan could be "green tea vodka. antioxidating while intoxiacting. your liver will thank you. "
its barely noon and he already threw up and i have second degree burn
2pm: Breaking news alert: I think I'm finally sober. Oh, and that place needs hotter strippers.
I thought stuff was gonna go really bad after he filled the super-soaker with kerosene. but it all turned out pretty well.
I want to apologize but I don't know how. Do I just say "sorry for OD'ing on your couch"? I think that just sounds weird.
I feel like our lives always have been and always will be a never ending drunken rampage full of pregnancy scares and lost brain cells
I just had a fifteen minute conversation with a Raccoon by the garbage bin. I was feeding it chex mix.
showering high made me realize that i should seriously reconsider my career path... id be a damn good hair shampooer & head massager
we are currently pregaming for our walk to the liquor store.
step one: admitting you have a problem. complete.
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