I'm drinking away my Christmas cash. People are going to get bar receipts as presents.
The best thing he's ever done for me was comment on my profile picture saying "hello boner"
I wish they had an "I'm Stoned" genre on online Netflix
I seem to remember you being very disappointed that drinking Michelob Ultra didn't give you magic powers.
Just googled "penis wearing a hat" i think it's safe to say nobody found my ex's lost phone...
CONGRATULATIONS! You have won: pictures of my nipples!
he may or may not have motorboated me on the steps of the library of congress
You fucked two dudes in the same night and still went home to your cats. How does that happen?
He said the pain stops when I get my shit together and stop being a drugged out alcoholic mess. Could have just said no.
I just ironed my gstring.. this is please fuck my brains out on a whole new level.
Ever since the Christmas fiasco of '08, I can no longer watch Rudolf the Red nosed reindeer without getting a hard on
I'm done being drunk I wish I could snap my fingers and be sober
We share an apartment, weed and genitals. It's called being practical not in love.
Taco Bell is better for you than cocaine, I promise.
Have you ever realized how weird it is to think that you've fucked someone and don't know what their handwriting looks like?
Randomize
