I didn't talk to you tonight because I've decided you look like a man.
I learned to sign I want to be on you today
Score
Deaf chicks here I come
i woke up in the lobby of Holiday Inn on a chair sitting up straight
My dad just walked in on me screwing the chick from the bar...the look of relief on his face was sort of hurtful.
Hungover Fun Fact #4: Eating a grilled stuffed burrito WILL make you blow chunks in the ice maker at work.
Did you just buzz the apartment and throw shit at the window? Josh and rob came into my room and woke me up
Fuck you Ian. U owe me $3.65 cuz thasts what I thfrew at ur window trying to wake ur ass up. And fuck u for not giving a shit
Close. The correct answer is shitting in a public toilet. We also would have accepted the pit of despair.
You should make a checklist to ensure they are quality material. Here's mine: wearing shoes, not drunk, very hot, has teeth, speaks english. You never know
I just folded my boss's lingerie. I need a drink and a raise
he said didn't have much sexual experience and then proceeded to tell me he is going to make me cum harder than my vibrator could
well, that escalated quicky
But I don't wanna live with them bc I need to be able to walk around naked and sex on any surface guilt free.
I fucked him while wearing his hat. I love the navy
I AM NOT LOSING TO SOME FICTIONAL CROSSDRESSER
Well you got kicked off a stripper pole. They said girls only.
Who the fuck hid 3 Zimas under my pillow?! Icing doesn't count when it's 8am the next morning and everyone's left and you've passed out on your couch. Currently chugging 2 of 3...
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