dude...i just woke up in ****'s bed!
doesn't he have a girlfriend???
yeah...who do you think woke us up...
I cut holes in my blanket and put my arms through it. It's the sleeveless "Bro Edition" Snuggie.
He kept starring at my ass and repeating "Its Just a beautiful piece of artwork."
I couldn't remember if it was hamsters or Iraq that you hated. I'm so sorry.
i lnow ive slrrwsdy teted you this. but goddamn girl on tv is a good song
we drunkly made out in the middle of the street beside the homeless guy playing the flute. Not how I imagined our first kiss.
Not rlly sure. Might just drink and sleep. Gotta wake up for my last rabies shot lol
You know what i just remembered? I asked the 8 ball if i was gonna get kicked out this semester before any of this stuff happened and it said yes. ITS REAL.
Apparently I got mad at you for "Not drinking with me till we thought we were seahorses" and smashed my face on your door. Then I put my feet in the oven and started crying because I was drinking alcohol from a pot. My life is spinning out of control.
Marking my student's "don't do drugs" posters while simultaneously texting my dealer, is this what being a grown up is like?
You will never know an awkward moment until your parents pick you up from a one night stand.
The cab driver gave me a church card yesterday and said I should reconnect with god.
Then he gave me 2 tickets to a movie he's going to be in
He told me I was "too flexible." Excuse me?
Just don't let me do two things: Beer bongs filled with vodka or shot competitions
No I’m scared man. She sharted. In my car. Wearing a dress. And I still like her.
Wow
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