I cant take that shot because i want my penis to stay hard.
Should I feel badly because I just bought a really hot pregnant girl a drink after I lit her cigarette?
soo according to the calendar on my phone, I'm 5 minutes late to have sex with that guy from work. Apparently we planned this, I even set an alarm.
dont seek real advice from me tonight cause its always gonna end with we should have sex
ironically, his detergent was also "small and mighty"
Walked by a shop giving away free donuts this morning. Best walk of shame ever
Things are burning & the world smells of peanut butter. It's beautiful.
Think I just subconsciously wanted a cigarette and started sleep walking to Carl's.. Didn't realize what I was doing until I found myself in an elevator.
I know you all think its cute to drop me off in a different state when I black out, but I can't wake up in family campgrounds asking where I am. These parents are scared.
Nothing like drunkenly buying a pregnancy test at 8 am to get out and realize your nip was out the whole time.
There is a severe lack of banging on that itinerary... I'd like a revision on my desk within the hour
I wanna say I regret bonging a beer while having sex with Mike, but it helped me get thru it.
Drove by a guy getting road head, midday on O Street. That could be us, but you won't let me in your pants when you drive.
Woohoo! Instead of a pregnancy test you can buy me a burrito
I just swiped right for a guy on Tinder solely because it looked like he was holding Zoboomafoo
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