Just saw my gyno in public. Weird to see her hands outside of my vagina.
I wish I loved anything like you love Tequila.
Some asshole just brought BK into my summer class, im already high as hell, i did not need another way to not pay attention
Started with us just having a beer. Now Ivan lit a torch to walk to the store, Ben smashed a 26 in the parking lot, and they're throwing broken shot glasses. Fratio Friday is something.
You got the whole drunk bus to sing, "In The Jungle" while conducting with your glowsticks.
This is the only time in your life where finding a half eaten lime and pair of florescent pink underwear that wasn't yours means that it was a good night
I'm so high I would give anything in the world to be inside my lava lamp right now
She asked the bartender for "7 shots of something fruity" and long story short the bartender punched me in the face. Chivalry is stupid.
Apparently I called him, said "vodka" and then hung up on him.
Like, yea, let's talk sexy but also...LOOK! I SAW A CAT!
I feel I should send an apology letter to my anesthesiologist.
Went to bed in my room fully clothed, woke up naked in the kitchen with the dog looking unamused.
I kept falling all over the place and yelled at the bouncer you can't kick me out I'm from Texas.
I don't wanna see it, I don't wanna touch it, I just want it in me.
Yeah that was post sex. I was thinking in my mind, no wonder he didnt ask me to call him daddy since he actually is a dad
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