Fact: Godrick looks like David Archuleta
...i had to draw her a diagram of her own vagina. including a little arrow to the clitoris. shouldn't it be the other way around?!?
You can't like Harry Potter and Twilight. You have to pick. Vampires and Wizards are mutually exclusive.
I hit 10,000 texts this month.. I think my grandkids have carpal tunnel.
Remind me to tell you the "if you give a mouse a special brownie" story when you get back
Just used your umbrella as a puke sheild. Thanks man.
his profile picture is him throwing up "#1" hands after his lax championship next to his coach that i fucked....embarrasing for him, yet ironically beautiful for me.
It's like....nice talking about real estate but your son gave me herpes
Alright fuck it. Alcoholic Jamie is back and here to stay.
i feel like i should invite him over so he can cockblock my roommate one last time before he graduates. for old times sake, ya know
You know it's going to be a good night when you're barking by 8:20.
There a special place in hell for drunk criers. A special FUCKING PLACE
No don't worry! What are obnoxious, alcoholic, slut roommates for if not for uplifting words and tales of my folly?!
Good news, my sex bruises are fading. Bad news, my boobs look like I have a skin disease because of it.
And on the way out from Applebee's he tried to take the basket of toothpicks claiming he was using them as a tax write off. Last time I babysit my dad on thirsty Thursday.
Randomize
