Pretty sure somebody just said 'I used to have a nipple'
that's awkward
why cant girls ever use the fly? why do they always have to awkwardly try to pull it over your belt?
I told him I had my daily dose of vitamin c so i wouldn't blow him
If I die and they 'assume' it's natural causes, just go with it.
he had a blacklight sublime poster, of course i had to do him.
I just realized his fb pic was taken in a public bathroom.
First coke bust down the road. Spring is finally here.
When your boyfriends ex-girlfriend texts you to see what you're wearing to his sister's wedding that you were not invited to, nor knew about. I think it's time to call it quits.
Honestly I have a huge freedom boner right now and if I came it would be red white and blue
so "excuse the stench" wasn't the correct thing to say when your boyfriend's parents walk in on you shitting. Live and learn
I've had 5 hours of sleep and I still smell like sex with the Colonel. I don't appreciate spontaneity.
Someone just asked me why I drink so much. Im gonna slap a bitch
If he sends me a dick pic so help me god.
slept at my ex’s house last night and as i was leaving his brother was sitting there on the sofa and said “bet you regret that one don’t ya”
I cannot believe I am seriously having a conversation about my best friend's sexual prowess as a dream lesbian.
Randomize
