Reasons why i shouldn't be drunk and upset: i'm going to a boy's
my penis says it needs to be in something. my phonebook says its you
Can you still call it a wet dream if sandwiches were involved?
i just looked at the calendar to see when spring break is and literally stopped eating
She threw up in my garbage can last night and walked home with it this morning so she could clean it out...
She is dropping it off on the way to the bar at 7.
Just made nachos out of string cheese and sunchips and laying in my bed watching babay einstion..get on my level
found my necklace. it was safe with all 6 boxes of peeps that i bought that night.
how thoroughly do i need to sanitize the cone the vet put around my dog's neck for it to be safe to use as a beer bong?
His IQ is so high, I swear I started ovulating when he told me the number.
He doesn't belong with God. He belongs face-down in a pile of his own excrement, vomit, blood and semen. Then pissed on by Satan.
Thank you for not puking on my lap during the first class of the semester. And fuck you for doing it in the second.
Fuck romance. Just shaved my nipples in the shower because I felt like it. That's the life I'm about.
The crowd is chanting "we want sex!" There's a man dressed as bacon. That is all
Wet should excavate the hamsters out of the front yard n give them a proper burial.
He was talking about his friends deceased ferret and I still managed to orgasm.
Now THAT is dedication!
Randomize
