Awkward is getting caught beating off in the company bathroom...
You want looks pregnant, is pregnant, or the one with a kid.
While I'm in the bathroom taking a piss you think of a way to get us the hell out of here.
after everytime she pucked, she insisted on us all giving her high fives
Sitting here wishing there were men in my life.
me too. too bad ive decided to fill that hole with cookie dough, closing the door to future men one fat cell at a time.
If I die, I leave all my liquor in my apartment to you. Be a drunk bitch at my funeral. I wouldn't want it any other way.
There are flashing lights and a man dressed as Santa with a bullhorn in my cul de sac.
I'm not sure if this is awesome or scary.
You don't want to cheat on your husband, you just want to fuck someone who isn't him.
You should be glad you didn't come with last night. I watched pirate porn for the first time in my life as the 9th wheel.
He's still short.... And probably a douchebag. But if we ever run into him downtown I fully encourage you to take him home and have "I hate you douchebag" sex and lick every inch of that disgustingly toned chest.
The appetizer at the dinner I went to tonight was Klonopin and a Bloody Mary.
we turned the lights off and all you could see were my glow in the dark stars and his penis
I don't remember what you did, but I DO remember that i'm supposed to hate you for it.
I just had to explain why I ate a whole quart of mac and cheese before 8am. Not a good start to the day
Oh my fucking god!! There is a barefoot white guy with a fucking ninja sword in the middle of the street next to the pride gas station swinging his sword at peoples cars!! He almost got me. 3 people swerved off the road and stopped. I told a cop.
Dont care about too tired for sex, thank you for leaving your laser pointer. I have now determined both my cats are stupid.
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