Right now, my father is sitting on the couch, totally smashed, crying, eating pringles, and watching the credits of Transformers 2. Love him.
she is medically diagnosed as a nympho. she has the paper to prove it. hell. fucking. yeah.
He was waring a speedo fashioned out of american flag bandanas and when he got hard he said "you're such a patriot...raising the american flag like that"
We fed your dog hot wings then gave it some Bud light to drink. You're right. Dogs are fun.
Do you know what the cost code is for strip clubs? I'm filling out my company expense report right now
I need to stop getting in the car with my dad when im rolling balls. I think he's starting to notice my eyes aren't usually completely pupil
Why am I the only one golf clapping for the vomiting girl on the train who just fell of her seat into her own vomit
I'm turning twenty & the only honorable way to exit my teens is by slapping the fuck outta the bag. You better be in.
You can't just leave with hair like that
Lol I think I might have been a little aggressive last night there is a blue ass print from your jeans on my wall
I don't remember how I broke my nose last night, but I woke up with dried blood everywhere. Also, you should tell that guy how you feel.
i have to vacuum my washing machine now, asshole
You cant use biscuit as a chaser
As you were leaving you yelled at the owners that the stairs weren't suitable for "intoxacapated" people and promptly fell down them.
So I WAS right.
He is saved in her phone as Sir. Mindfuck <3/ vag cleaner of course I need to meet him.
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