i cvme to yuor rooom...wherer are youf?
please be gone before i get back
Do you think an esthetician would be willing to wax the Chanel Cs into my crotch? That way, whenever a guy gets ready to pound on it I can go "Careful, it's Chanel."
I feel like abortions should bother me more
VITAMINS IN VODKA. IM NOT LYING.
Nothing ruins a good sext like too many emoticons
do you think I can still get an erection if I donate blood today? this is important.
Sooo just headbutted a stripper, meet you outside
I'm fighting fire with fire. When my parents interrogate me about what I was doing last night, I tell them the truth. Every disgusting, awkward detail. I'm 23 now and they need to get used to it.
He said that he didn't know what level the sun was on, and then he puked.
We should install the 'help i've fallen and can't get up' buttons on our bodies for this weekend. Birthday weekend calls for extra measures.
I just saw a black chick with an eyepatch. This is a once in a lifetime opportunity.
VOOOODKA VOOODKA WE PLEDGE OUR LOVE TO THEEEE VODKAAAA VODKAAAA SAVIOR OF LIBERTYYYY
It was big, black, and had a smiley face tattooed on it. It was the perfect penis.
I only spent $42 at the bar last night, it's some sort of miracle.
you do remember it was dollar beer night, right?
That answers my next five questions
His butt is perfect. Like a twelve on a scale of one to ten. No idea about his personality or anything but that ass... I'm keeping him.
Randomize
