Even DaVinci knew it was gay to draw the penis big. Thanks art history
You were pissed we didn't change the movie to Eurotrip so you kept singing "Scotty Doesn't Know" over and over until you passed out.
you know it's the perfect hook up when you don't have any friends in common with his girlfriend on facebook.
I'm still finding big obvious chunks of condom around my car.
The bartender just hugged us goodnight. I think we go there too often.
So neither of us had a dollar bill and we couldnt find a straw so we spent all nite doing coke through penne pasta
I smell like hot dogs and captain morgan it's 11:20 am what is my life
The bottle of Wild Turkey is empty and there is a pile of wet cement in the garage. What happened?
I didnt realize until i got your email that what i've been missing in my life is someone to send me dog gifs
Apparently asking your girlfriends roommate for a hand job when u craw into the wrong bed after a bottle of rum is "bad form".
Haha no we did it on his bed. Then rolled off into the bean bag. It was a strangely athletic performance on my behalf.
She told me "I think I'm going to puke tonight" a few seconds later she said smiling"I can't wait!"
No, I'm not a heathen. You two are the heathens, I'm the whore.
If I had your ass I would rule the world
Sorry I totally pulled a home invasion on you last night
That was super inconsiderate of me
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