Just passed a strip club with a Marquis sign that said 'tis the squeezin'
Well if I am having twins, at least I'll finally have 2 kids by the same father.
well seeing as i got a call at 5 am from the hotel manager telling me my cousin was passed out on the lobby floor...not good
I have no idea. I woke up naked on someones toilet locked in the bathroom with two baby kittens.
The other night after we fucked we talked about Lowe's vision insurance. Never fuck a coworker.
My dick is covered in produce stickers. I suspect you
He tied my whole arm, in its cast, to the headboard first. He mumbled something about safe, sane, and consensual?
I tried to pay my tab and go home but she wrote me a "list of things I'm good at" with fellatio as no 1...
Ran into him again last night, stole his glowstick and walked away. The glowstick mountain in my room keeps growing.
Dicks are so weird. He has kind of a feminine comforter in the background.
I feel like you can't break up with someone on 420. It's against stoner code
YOU TOOK A FUCKING SNAP OF ME TRYING TO PEE! I'M GOING TO FUCK YOU WITH THE BUSINESS END OF A RUTED RAKE!
If we hadn't just agreed to no commitment, i'd totally propose right now. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
Wait... why were you finger painting at one in the morning?
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
Randomize
