if creeping was an olympic sport, i would be a lock for the gold right now.
I feel like my nuva ring should have a vibrating switch.
I'm sitting the next couple hours out. Puking in a potted plant really put shit into perspective for me.
Just got tipped $5 for distracting some dude's gf while he got another girl's number. Bro-code at its finest.
Because of his penis, I can't even look at a hot dog
When i'm home next we need to get baked and go to waffle house. I want to see if the waitress can still guess my intoxication level and what i'm about to order before i even make it to the table.
I almost tried texting you with my pipe. Holy fuck this is good shit.
That guy has been pretty randomly in and out of my vagina for 4 years...I don't think I'm required to tell him when I'm dating.
Good point.
going on a mission to find my pants and the guy who stole my beer don't wait up
Something about finishing sexting a guy and him going "well. I have to get ready for Passover now" really makes me rethink my life choices
Well statistically J has a 1 in 3 chance of hospitalization when downtown
And a 3 for 3 for disapeearing
Is it too forward if I ask him to bring a condom when he comes over to work on our project?
We found you in the bathroom at 1AM throwing money into the toilet making wishes. That drunk.
.... Seriously?
I am beginning to doubt your commitment to my making poor choices tonight
Do you remember punching the light out in the bathroom? I didn't, and that was at bar 2 of 4…
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