Fun fact: when I ripped off my wristband, I punched myself in the face. Rad
Hello, balls-out mistake. It's been a while.
I wonder how skeet ulrich feels about the skeet skeet phrase and and what it denotes.
Sorry I never got back to you. I got high. I know it sounds like a commercial or something... but its true
Apparently 151 is to me what spinach is to popeye.
In the library. Still drunk. Shoes missnig. Term paper due in fiften minutes. Iff I puke u think theyll throw me out?
as we waited for a manager to come open the door that we broke while having sex on the wall, we decided to go round two in the hallway before he came back.. god i love hotels.
He knew exactly who I'd slept with after just one look at my crotch. He's like the Sherlock Holmes of cocks.
Just peed in the fountain while its snowing. Fell flat on my ass, literally my butt naked ass in a pile of snow. It's safe to say I'm done with drinking on weekdays
Hiding the dark circles under my eyes this morning was like trying to hide a Beached Whale on the Couch eating Pita chips.
Do you think the firemen will remember me?
Yes. But you were sloppy, sobbing, and puked on two of them. You won't get in their pants.
You are hereby uninvited from future Turnt Tuesdays until further notice.
ok I know you arent happy with the way we ended but paying someone to pass me an STD is TOTALLY FUCKED!!!
I got paid to fuck my boss for lunch. My job is better than yours.
He’s exactly what I’m looking for: he’s got a broken heart, a working penis and a new boat!!!
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