after drinking 6 jumbo margaritas he then proceeded to tell the entire restaurant that he was going to "bust a load in me" when we got home....how do you think the rest of my night went?
Well, we missed our public lewdness court date. Looks like were going to jail in Alabama ...
If I die on my trip, you're my chosen person. Nightstand-vibrators. Computer-iphoto naked pictures. I hope you feel honored.
I just smoked my last bit of kief with a grill lighter. This is what crackheads must feel like.
seriously, i am too high for the omelet station to be playing Being For The Benefit Of Mr Kite at 7am
Just put the gallon of milk in the microwave. Dad might know im high.
I need to pack up my vagina and leave. We only do bad things together.
I am officially now FB friends with my arresting officer.
I slept with a Brazillian Man, That's why I'm Watching The World Cup
The amount of effort it's taking me to not shit my pants this morning is probably a sign to slow down the drinking
Just got a 15 minute lecture from a drag queen about how bisexuality doesn't exist. Cher would be so disappointed in her.
If I die it's either cuz I undercooked my burger or because I used questionable cheese. I have no pants on, so if there's a wellness check, you go in first.
They had like literally all the dildos. It looked like a seance for dick. I left the apartment and haven't been back.
He fucked me for my Netflix login, I fucked him for his HBO login, and actually I think that's beautiful
We just had a contest for who has less of a gag reflex...I am sad to admit that my mother won.
Randomize
