what time did you get home last night?
SO late...when your in the lap of a 35 year old superstar you loose track of time
He said to me " i could be your father but i dont care"...it was so hott
I remember having a drink with vegetables in it. They said it was a mojito, but it tasted like cabbage.
haha i love mojitos
ya and i hate cabbage
right as i was about to introduce them she goes "old fuck buddy, meet new fuck buddy."
he said he wanted to butter my pancake. i thought it was sexual, but he went downstairs and made pancakes. i need to stop dating fat guys.
Just think, if your stepsister would've gotten knocked up 2 years earlier, she could've had a TV show. What a bitch.
I swear he shrunk like 2 inches. Remind me that drunk sex needs to remain drunk sex.
He probably smells like baby powder and sexual identity crisis.
What's the over under on catching something from your sister?
he's definitely still old enough to be your dad. even your grandfather, if you come from a line of juvenile delinquents
Hey, I told her the bathroom was a "No fly zone" after I used it. She willingly allowed her nose to go through that pain. It's her fault, she only supplied me with vodka when she knows I only drink rum.
Didn't want you to think it had been open season on my vagina since we broke up.
Bjs and tacos. That's my life.
I'm tired of looking like my mother fucked Chewbacca.
A bitchslap is in order.
Why did you buy a cock ring?
I’m going to propose to his penis
Randomize
