I had a bacon mcgriddle for the first time today. It was like eating a baby angel.
you can't get genital warts from dogs can you?
You litterally reached into some girls shirt, pulled out her tit and yelled whats up with this guy.
he just stuck his car key in my belly button, made car starting noises and pretended like i was revving my engine?
Captain Phil from deadliest catch died... im trying to think of a memorial fb status but "ill miss your crabs" doesnt sound right
Just found out I slapped a vegan in the face with meat last night.
He had the Transformers symbol tattooed to his chest. We had to do it doggy style so I could laugh into my pillow instead of his face.
So I think I just got a job offer from the guy I used to blow. See, networking pays off.
Dude they have your information. Come back. The sheriffs office is here, they are pissed..please come back otherwise jail is inevitable. Call me
Parents weekend was a success.
Yeah, I guess so if you consider being arrested and having your parents bail you out a success...
Bail could have come out of your pocket so yes, I think we were financially responsible this weekend.
I won't be able to get a boner for a month
Challenge accepted.
i think the sex is so good because i get a contact high just from fucking him
I woke up and found piles of popcorn in a trail around my house, ending at a laundry basket full of pillows. What were we trying to catch last night?
Would you like to get an apartment bong? It can be like our pet and we can give it a name.
Do you know how hard it is to give a bj in your dead grandmothers car
Randomize
