and I didnt even know his name until this morning when we were laying in bed and he referred to himself in the 3rd person.
You have to understand, this is the first time I'm looking at a whopper sober.
just so you're aware of it in the morning: you tried to slide down the railing on a snuggie. twice.
Because it was 5am and I had a shitty mixed drink and I was threatening to put my balls in your face.
Not the worst first impression I've experienced.
It's a fucking menopause festival down here at the strike zone
I was gonna buy a KIA, but then I remembered how awesome the sex was in the back of a Hyundai so I went with that.
I'm pretty sure I just need an IV drip of Plan B at this point...
New low reached: a cockroach has actually drowned itself in our dirty dishes. We are heathens. Cleaning dance party tonight. No excuses.
Dude, I just hit your nipple with a bottle of lube while you were wearing a shirt, 10 feet away without my glasses and I only have "not bad" aim?
you kept saying how you wanted to mainline bacardi right into your bloodstream. medical school is doing wonderful things to your brain
There. Isnt. A. Single. Person. Who. Is. Not. High. At. Church.
I'm discussing Magic Mike with my mom and totally get why she thinks I'm gay.
I will consider it. I need to determine if ogling him is worth almost certain death via zipline.
That guy I hooked up with in new york last 2 statuses are "I'm going to be a father, it's a girl" then "wow syphilis sure does burn" I'm legit scared... What has my life come to.
is it bad that I'm more worried about having to take out my piercings than the fact that I might be having a kid
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