i just passed a truck with a bumper sticker saying "i'd rather be cummin than strokin." god bless the midwest.
You rolled out of the car, got on all fours and puked then just nonchalantly stood up and waved goodbye and thanks for the ride.
do you think theyll let us bring mariachis to the strip club?
I miss waking up knowing you're passed out under my bed.
Hey, I can't find my bed frame. Do you know who took it?
I recorded his orgasm, set it as his ringtone, and called him while they were singing happy birthday to his mom. Yeah, revenge is sweet.
I'm eating ramen over the toilet. Fuck my life
I can measure my amount of vomit in solo cups.
Just puked in my hallway. Good start to a great night
I'm shotgunning a 12 pack at a bus stop. This is why we pay the rent with an auto withdrawal at the beginning of the month
Needless to say, she forgave him, they're back together, and I'm seriously considering having a lesbian year.
Someone somewhere has a picture of me vomiting in a bus stop trash can while a drag queen held my hair for me.
Pride claims another victim
Get over here asap there are three naked girls two bottles of whiskey and only one of me
I just walked into my kitchen and my little brother is standing with his face two inches from the clock, staring at it, and eating an apple. I asked wtf he was doing and he just goes "the hour hand is moving VERY slowly".
Walked off the dance floor to find Gabe hitting on a dad bod at the bar. It was my Dad. Awkward is an understatement.
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