Miracle whip is the devil's jizz.
you will always have a special place in my vag
Just got physical proof that at 6 am i was running around with raw potatoes threatening to mash them on his floor. Hello, Mobile uploads
no more duck duck goose at the bar
I blacked out before two in the afternoon yesterday. Now that's a successful birthday.
I just want to meet whoever runs the hall cameras
hahahaha I don't. Watch one day i'll be walking along and someone will stop me and say "oh you're that one girl who is out. of. control." But then they'd probably give me a high five.
If you find my purse on your yacht please call me - girl you slept with after yacht party
strip vodka pong is never a good idea. I saw into his colon when he picked up the ball off the floor
I opened my bookbag to put my laptop in and I found two granola bars and a pregnancy test. I am clearly prepared for life
I was sitting here smiling wondering why i'm so fucking happy at work. cookie has kicked in
now to finish some work and then i think i'll work out. or garden. or at the very least I'll continue eating frozen grapes and take more drugs
I kind of just assumed by how he whisked eggs that he would be bad in bed.
I've never been so turned off by an omelet.
I just realized, you're dating a guy named Jameson. That is another level of whiskey dick.
I'm not saying you're stupid, just that you have bad luck when thinking...
You stole my car to go to your boyfriends. Now your parents are fucking in the next room at top volume, and I have no way to escape..thought you should know that the amount of therapy I'll be needing for this is expensive.
You're the best friend ever.
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