We found an eightball on the ground last night. I mean, really, who does that?
AHHHH!!! note to self never google image chastity belt omfg
Some random slut told me I was a good dancer then gave me a handjob. I felt like fucking John Travolta.
My TA just asked me why I was late to class. How do I say because I was having the best orgasm of my life in Arabic?
Sorry I was drunk and left blood all over your back seat I was pretending to be in private Rayan and used your thong as a bandage
All you need to do now is invest in a Speedo and start going door to door.
The party invite said "this ain't no lame stoplight party, you come to hookup or you don't come" I feel like their honesty deserves out attendance
Not to mention having our pick at the ensuing sausagefest
Don't make emojis simulating eating me out
And everyone was looking at me because it was cold and I was drunk and may have screamed "oh fuck" ... You know what, fuck that. What do people think they're getting at Denny's 2 in the morning
my vagina is like this close to growling at me and leading me onto the nearest dance floor
make it buy you a drink first
In other news, I'm pretty sure my mom was encouraging me to have a threesome yesterday... I don't even want to start digging in that garden of horror and trauma.
So that guy from plenty of fish has a lightning bolt tattooed on his face. I kinda feel like I HAVE to sleep with him now.
Who put the toilet in the living room? This is extremely inconvenient right now.
I can't wait to see you & have espresso-fueled sex
Is it bad that I'm not at all bothered by the fact that to some people I'm simply known as the girl that takes her shirt off?
Randomize
