sometimes i look at this picture of your cock before i go to sleep, there's something comforting about it
When your really high you cant order into a clowns mouth
you gave the police officer your chanel wallet and said 'just keep it the i.d. is fake too'.
Might just stay in and drink cuz of the hurricane. Yea I think Wisconsin might be safe but its a good reason to drink.
Your cat is quite the conversationalist after some tequila and shrooms
The acoustics in my bra are fantastic.
i want to have awesome sex and feel fuzzy.
Things you do not want to hear after sex: I almost lost my gum in your pussy. Really dude, don't share that with me!
I'm just mad because I can't play gta5 all day tomorrow cuz I'll be in court testifying against a craigslist prostitute...
Drunk Karaoke resulted in only 8 injuries this time, so there is some improvement.
We are making a pool on how long he stays sober this time you want in?
She sent me a video of herself sitting in the car stone faced listening to the Titanic song on silence. She won't answer my texts.
rest in peace liver.
It was nice having you occupy space in my body that could be holding beer n chicken.
that's going in my livers obituary.
'allo, good sire. how dost thy day goeth?
oh no. you're at that weird Renaissance Festival thing again, aren't you?
I am an inebriated elf. you may fucketh off.
DID YOU OR DID YOU NOT, PEE IN MY FUCKING TRASHCAN?!
Randomize
