Bullshit. I know you're watching The Dog Whisperer
That Cesar Milan is captivating
You were so drunk that you were trying to take pictures of a MILF at the park so you could send them to Adam, but you didn't want to "seem creepy," so you used taking pictures of her son as a cover. Needless to say, cops were called.
i love that when i tell my kids and grandkids about how we first met it will be about this little thing called a "poke" on facebook
The story about him having a girlfriend changed real fast when he found out that I was a gymnast
I want an alcoholic time machine so we could skip to new years eve
Registered sex offender is the model in class today.... There are too many things wrong with him getting naked in front of a lot of college students.
Like what kind of adult things? Whats more adult than drinking at 2pm on a monday?
Please delete that video of me blowing you. I will repay you with 100 blowjobs even better than the one I gave you during that video. Please. I am gonna be a grandma one day.
You had your dick do your apologizing for you last night. Apology accepted.
Is cereal technically a soup?
Fuck, I'm high.
URGENT INPUT I'm at a renesance fair after party and I'm 100% lined up to fuck their sword swallower OR their contortionist. Dont say both - which direction doth I roll?
He's so urbane and sleek; so aesthetically chiseled, having endless features to offer me whenever I desire.
Are you fucking a guy or a condo building?
He texts me "what are you wearing" in the middle of the workday, so naturally I assume he's kidding and respond "the blood of my enemies" #foreveralone
moral of my life: don't tell a guy you want to have sex with him. he'll get back together with his ex.
Is it weird to smoke a bong with a client from work?
Randomize
