I just ate a cockroach and I want to be a fire truck.
I have way too many pictures of poop on my phone
Where??
Against the wall. In corner. Only gave him head though don't worry
worms taste like bacon by the way.
I always wondered what they tasted like.
I just made this asian woman on the boardwalk that was giving 20 dollar massages upset after I asked her if a happy ending comes with it.
my mothers day present is going to be not puking at the table during brunch
i must've hopped out the car and eaten some leaves...even when your'e drunk that's not acceptable
I left him a voicemail saying i went through with the abortion and he texts me back one thing... the bbm "phew" face. really?
Nope if you can't be there for me emotionally, then my vagina can't be there for you physically. That's my rule.
We swapped clothes. He left in a v-neck and I left in a tuxedo. Classiest walk of shame or the gayest?
"There should be some kind of award for sleeping with your ex 9 times in 3 days."
We just fucked each other sober. #goteam
Day drunk. He was sitting in the back seat, opened the door, leaned out, and peed right there in the dutch bros drive through. No one even noticed haha
shit... I double booked my fuck buddies
Why the fuck is Ian Naked eating string cheese in my guest bedroom?
Randomize
