I tried karate at age 7 and quit after realizing it conflicted with watching new episodes of "Full House."
I feel great
I just peed on a car
Living well is not the best revenge. Fucking his brother is.
I'm 2 blowjobs away from girlfriend status....don't tell me I don't know how to have an adult relationship
She's the only person who can pull off turning an outdoor patio heater tower into a stripper pole.
Yeah I mean its Vermont, not like id be the first guy to trade pharmaceutical services for beer
You know me. im down for anything that could harm my well being. lets dress like dolphins so everyone will see what dicks they are.
Now I can say "look me up on Pornhub."
I thought he put a fake swan in my yard, but no, he put a real life swan in my yard
Directions to your booty call: go down the part of Route 66 that has all the car dealerships, motels and bad decisions, go past the Christian college and turn left at the Children's Center.
so today, i decided to say "fuck it" to mental stability, take a klonopin and wear a blanket toga. New Girl is on Netflix, nothing could go wrong.
He'd rather cuddle with his shitty little miniature dog than the half naked girl in his bed. I've lost all hope for him and my vagina
I hate when my Bumble matches make it hard for me to stalk them.
What conversation warrents "penis" in rainbow comic sans
This is the third time I have overheard parents tell their children "don't be that girl" in reference to me. I'm either doing something horribly wrong or amazingly right
Randomize
