I'm at a Mexican Walmart. Wish you were here.
batman just walked across the sidewalk
lay off the drugs
no for real he was wearing a cape
If there is ever a next time, care about me enough to lube it up no matter what my drunk ass says
Just had the weirdest flashback. Did we buy melon, take it into the restaurant and try to make them give it to us as dessert?
Pitchers of shots should be outlawed. I've puked more than i've breathed in the past half hour.
Why yes actually, getting stoned and reading an AARP magazine IS totally where I wanted my night to end!
You did this to me with your delicious pizza and moonshine.
I'll forgive you once we're drunk again by noon.
So I bought some random chick a shot she puked in her hands then I watched her make out with my roommate
By the time the opening band finished, she was already slurring, coming on to the gay couple next to us, and waving her panties in the air.
I just stood still on a stair at the train station expecting it to go down automatically like an escalator... Today's going to be a good day
I just tried to order ice cream on my bagel. I think I should just call it
You know Sunday Funday was a success when 'puke and rally' came at lunchtime on Monday.
Shriek
It's one am and you're asking me if you should buy a plane ticket for a booty call.
It's a mix of hot dirty sex and week old bong water
I guarantee you he will only fuck with old bitches from now on
Randomize
