his penis looked like arnold from hey arnold. it was interesting.
a chick just tried to cover her fart by sneezing. it didn't work
Guy passed out in the lobby with a keychain sharpie hanging from his belt loop. 1 guest came in and wrote on him, then others saw and got in line. I'm not waking him up.
Good thing I was dressed to impress in my "I went nuclear on my wings" shirt even the girls are making out and I'm still 7th wheeling it...
He just walked in our room casually and said "big girls are hungry"
this kid woke up on our hotel floor and doesnt know how he got here
on my way back.. me and that kid will be great friends
I've been thinking about it and if we ever have a threesome it'll start off with us clothed solely in our matching fur vests
he broke off your car antennae to use as a walking stick before he smoked because he claimed to lack the facial strength needed to open his eyes when he's high
She told me my pubes were as soft as "fine wool"
Didn't get the job. Searched for my references on FB and saw the pic of me weighing my head passed out.
Can I just say I love that you have a kegorator on your wedding registry?
somehow this turned into a costume party you have to get here now with my banana suit or I'm wearing my birthday suit
Guess who was PASSED OUT ON A BMW. I shit you not
Stop it right now
This time face forward
I want to tell everyone I've ever met about how he him picking me up and fucking me against the wall was the highlight of my life. Worst lesbian ever.
He sent me off with a naked dance ending in a meat swing. I don't think I'll be seeing him again.
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