Wooohooo! I'm sitting in the car like a creep watching people walk in and out of Blush. Lots of happy people.
I swear to god I'm with a high end prostitute right now and shes the most interesting person I've ever met. She just took me in to share an evening.
And as an added bonus she seems to have gotten a blood stain out of my favorite t-shirt
I would give away a ton of these clothes but I doubt there are any homeless people who dress as slutty as me
the bottle said: caution extremely flammable. so that was my motivation.
He wants to know how I lost my bra in his pants....id like to know too
Yea... you were given too many get out of jail free cards. God just gave up on you having a healthy and happy vagina.
So apparently using the emergency exit of the bar as a bathroom is frowned upon in this establishment...
Idk man, most things I eat are even better than I expected. Like when I drunkenly put mac and cheese on a slice of cheese pizza or when I soberly put mac and cheese into a Taco Bell burrito.
As long as you keep bringing fries home, i'll keep being naked when you get home
I'm gonna write a book. Almost Awesome: all the times I ALMOST got laid.
New vibrator arrived today.
How was it?
Who are these wee mortals we call men?
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
You know it was a good dinner party when one of the guests broke their finger and no one can remember how it happened.
Just stalked the girl I hooked up with last night's boyfriend. He seems nice, I approve.
Sorry for not calling you back. I got drunk and passed out on the kitchen floor. I just found my phone in the shower.
Randomize
