By the way the fattest man alive got married yesterday and I don't even have a boyfriend.
I told my new friends about my possible new chin. They said I should get my nose done first. Please tell me I'm pretty or something.
she told me i tasted like america
We're doing a case race on Saturday.
I'm in. I'm currently drinking a beer in the bathtub so I guess I can consider this "practice" and not just "alcoholism"
we've had sex 4 times and he still refers to me as 'the chick in my chem class'
Are my feet made of real feet?
She can drink whiskey without a chaser and has a fridge full of whipped cream. Girlfriend potential
I'm just going to lay in a blanket cocoon of self pity for the next few months.
I met his dad. Turns out he was a one nighter from the nurses conference in Vegas. Not sure how to handle this one.
Clearly, you already have. Both of them.
the manischevitz sangria was a big hit
when I was walking home I wad so excited to see a cat on the sidewalk but it was really a traffic cone
After I asked for my 6th Gin & Tonic, the look on the flight attendant's face started to make me feel bad about myself.
WHY DID I MAKE A 7 minute video of me eating crackers and cheese when I was high
Send it to me
I think someone is dead in a car across the street
Scratch that, dude's getting a blow job
My penis definitely considers my Captain Cock costume a success
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