I didn't say she couldn't, I said you shouldn't.
As I was buying milk at the market, the lady at the checkstand said, "what? No alcohol today?" have I really earned THAT reputation?
I walked into his living room and saw him watching the play-offs while eating tomato paste out of the can with a bottle of wine. I'm telling you to stop talking to him. now.
I don't think blacking out in class is a good idea. But I'm game
Wtf. I just got invited to a threeway bj session in the bathroom at boiler. Lmao
Text me when you wake up so I know you're ok. It's really worrisome to get home at this hour and find 3 men passed out in my room but no you. Love you, goodnight. :-)
I asked my boss to leave early for a booty call. She said yes. See.... everyone sees it's important I get laid.
You now have the mental image of me flying off into the sunset with no pants
i just got referred to as "the Loch Ness Cockster". God bless my Scottish heritage.
I sent a picture of my balls to one of my best friends, so basically it was an average night.
Split a bottle of Johnny Walker and then decided to eat a shit ton of peanut butter. That was a rough bed to wake up in
Margaritas just taste better when they're bigger than your head
You may have gone on a date, but I ate chicken nuggets shaped like dinosaurs for dinner tonight. I think we both know who the real winner is here.
That's a beautiful sentiment.
Well, while we went through airport security, I found out Mom got her clit pierced, so there's that.
Worse. He's Mormon. At least a gay guy will go get drinks with me.
Randomize
